Listening when you disagree

Listening is easiest when we agree. When we disagree, we tend to listen for the weak spot so we can answer it.

Try a different aim: listen for what the other person cares about. Two people who disagree about a plan often care about the same thing — safety, fairness, time — and weigh it differently.

Finding the shared concern does not end the disagreement, but it changes it. You are no longer on opposite sides of a wall; you are looking at the same problem from different places.