The strongest version

Before you answer someone, try saying their view back to them so well that they would say, "Yes — that is exactly what I mean." This is sometimes called steelmanning.

It is harder than it sounds. We tend to restate the other side in its weakest form, because that version is easiest to knock down. Answering a weak version wins nothing; the real view is still standing.

Steelmanning also cools a conversation. People who feel understood listen better — and you may find the gap between you is smaller than it looked.