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← Homework, Without the Fight

Homework, Without the Fight

Three short lessons on helping with homework so it helps: let the child do the steering, notice effort and method rather than marks, and have a calm way out when it gets tangled.

Spark & Whetstone · sparkwhetstone.org/learn/homework-without-the-fight · CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Answers are at the end, so you can try each question first.

Lesson 1. Let them steer

More parent help is not always better. A large review of the research (Pomerantz, Moorman and Litwack, 2007) found that how parents help matters as much as how much.

Help tends to go well when the child stays in charge of the work: you ask, they decide, they hold the pencil. It tends to go badly when the parent takes over, checks every line, or does the hard part.

Question. Your child is stuck on a maths question. Which kind of help keeps them steering?

  1. Do the first one for them so they can copy the method.
  2. Ask what the question is asking and what they have tried so far.
  3. Sit beside them and check every line as they write it.

Say it back. In your own words: what does it mean to let a child steer their homework?

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Lesson 2. Notice the method

The same review found that help focused on the process — effort, strategy, understanding — tends to go better than help focused on grades and getting it right.

So notice what they did: "You drew it first; that helped." "You checked your answer by working backwards." Keep the mood warm. A tense table teaches a child that homework is a fight.

Question. Which comment focuses on the method?

  1. Good, that one is right.
  2. You worked it backwards to check it. Nice.
  3. You are so clever.

Say it back. Say it back: why notice the method instead of the mark?

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Lesson 3. A calm way out

Some evenings it goes wrong anyway: tears, a slammed book, a parent explaining louder. Agree in advance on a way out, said by either of you: "I'm getting tangled."

When it is said, you both stop. Take five minutes away. Then either come back to one small question, or write a short note to the teacher saying where they got stuck. A note that says "stuck here" is useful to a teacher.

If the child uses an app that asks rather than tells, point them to its stuck page, so the help still comes as questions, not answers.

Question. Your child says "I'm getting tangled." What happens next?

  1. Push through one more question while they are still at the table.
  2. You both stop for five minutes, then try one small question or write a note to the teacher.
  3. Finish the worksheet for them so the evening can end.

Say it back. In your own words: what is your family's way out, and what comes after it?

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At the table: The homework card

Players: a grown-up and a child, 6 or older. You'll need: a card or sheet of paper and a pen.

  1. Write the way out on the card together: "I'm getting tangled." Either of you may say it.
  2. Write three questions the grown-up may ask: What is it asking? What have you tried? What could you draw?
  3. Write one thing the grown-up will not do: hold the pencil.
  4. Keep the card on the table where homework happens.

Answers

  1. Ask what the question is asking and what they have tried so far. — Asking keeps the child in charge. Doing one for them and checking every line both move the work to you.
  2. You worked it backwards to check it. Nice. — Naming how they checked it tells them what to do again. The others praise the result or the child, not the method.
  3. You both stop for five minutes, then try one small question or write a note to the teacher. — Stopping honours the agreement, and a short note tells the teacher exactly where the help is needed. Doing it for them hides the problem.