Answering a Why

Five short lessons for the grown-up on the other end of “why?”: answer the why that was asked, say “I don’t know — let’s find out”, say what is known and what is guessed, ask for a guess first, and keep the question.

Spark & Whetstone · sparkwhetstone.org/learn/answering-a-why · CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Answers are at the end, so you can try each question first.

Lesson 1. Answer the why that was asked

Children keep asking when an answer does not answer. In one study, preschoolers asked again when they got a non-answer, and were more satisfied when they got a real explanation (Frazier, Gelman & Wellman, 2009).

A real answer gives a reason. It can be short. It can even be “I don’t know — let’s find out.” What does not work is a reply that closes the question without a reason: “because it is”, or praise for asking.

Question. A child asks, “Why is the sky blue?” Which reply answers the why that was asked?

Because it is.
The sky is very big.
Sunlight bounces off the air, and blue light bounces around the most.
What a great question!

Say it back. In your own words: what makes an answer an answer?

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Lesson 2. “I don’t know — let’s find out”

Most of a child’s questions are ones no grown-up can answer on the spot. That is normal, and it is useful: it lets you show how a person finds something out.

Saying you don’t know is not the end. Name a way to find out — a book, a library, someone who works with it, a test you can try at the table — and do it together, or write the question down so it can wait.

Question. A child asks how deep the sea is, and you have no idea. What helps most?

Guess a number so the child is not disappointed.
Say you don’t know, and pick a way to find out together.
Change the subject.

Say it back. In your own words: what can a child learn from “I don’t know”?

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Lesson 3. Say what is known and what is guessed

Grown-up answers often mix three things: what is known, what is a good guess, and what nobody knows. Children can hear the difference if we say it.

Short tags do it: “Scientists have measured this.” “This is my guess.” “Nobody knows yet.” A child who hears these learns that an answer comes with a how-sure, and that “nobody knows” is a real answer too.

Question. Which answer to “Did dinosaurs drink our water?” says how sure it is?

Yes, exactly the same water.
Water goes round and round, so some of it may be, but nobody can trace one glass to one dinosaur.
No, that is silly.

Say it back. In your own words: why tell a child how sure you are?

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Lesson 4. Ask “What do you think?” first

Before you answer, ask for a guess. A child who has guessed is listening for whether they were right, and notices what surprised them.

In one study, children who made a prediction before seeing a science result learned more than children who did not (Theobald & Brod, 2021). A wrong guess is fine — the surprise is part of how it works. “I have no idea” is a guess too. What matters is that it comes before the answer.

Question. When is the best moment to ask a child what they think?

After you have explained, to check they listened.
Before you answer, so they have a guess to compare.
Only if they seem unsure.

Say it back. In your own words: why should the guess come before the answer?

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Lesson 5. Keep the question

Some questions take longer than a car ride. Keep them. Write the question on a slip with the date, write the guess under it, and put it in a jar.

Come back to it another day: “Do you remember asking why leaves fall?” A question that comes back is a question that matters, and the child sees their own questions treated as worth keeping. Spark & Anvil has a jar for children on the device; the kitchen jar is the paper version for the table.

Question. What should go on a question slip before anyone looks up the answer?

The answer, so it is not forgotten.
The question, the date, and the child’s guess.
A score for how good the question is.

Say it back. In your own words: why keep a question instead of answering it straight away?

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At the table: The kitchen jar

Players: Two or more, any ages. You'll need: A jar, the printed label and slips, a pencil.

Print the label and the slips, and stick the label on a jar.
When someone wonders something, write the question and the date on a slip.
Under it, write their guess before anyone looks anything up.
Once a week, take out a slip together: find out, or put it back to keep wondering.

Seat sheets and a run-through: sparkwhetstone.org/kitchen-jar

Answers

Sunlight bounces off the air, and blue light bounces around the most. — The third reply gives a reason. The first and last close the question without one; the second is true but about something else.
Say you don’t know, and pick a way to find out together. — Saying you don’t know and choosing a way to find out shows how answers are made. A made-up number teaches a wrong fact; changing the subject teaches that questions are unwelcome.
Water goes round and round, so some of it may be, but nobody can trace one glass to one dinosaur. — The second answer says what is known (water goes round), what is likely (some may be the same) and what nobody knows (which glass). The other two state one side as certain.
Before you answer, so they have a guess to compare. — Before the answer. Afterwards it becomes a quiz; before, it gives the child a guess to compare with what they find.
The question, the date, and the child’s guess. — The question, the date and the guess. Later you add how you found out. A slip is never scored.